Why online dating doesn’t work

Now, if dating sites found a way to successfully monetize real meetings that developed into further relationships, then it would work! And as long as these sites make money on the fact that users spend a lot of time on them and go out of their way (that is, they pay money) in order to somehow stand out among many others, these sites do not really need dating, and you can find more information about that.

Or rather, they are needed, but only for advertising purposes – in order to maintain the belief of users in the possibility of a successful acquaintance. The bulk of users should stay on the site, and for this it is much better that no serious relationship arises between them, because then they will leave and stop paying and / or watching ads.

To suggest that the administrators of dating sites deliberately prevent quality dating would be conspiracy nonsense. Of course, no one will do this on purpose. It’s about something else. The fact that the services that are primarily developed by the creators of these sites are far from being aimed at effectively implementing the main task they declare – dating.

If the same money and intellectual resources were spent by the developers to teach somewhere, and somewhere to force people to find each other and effectively establish contact, then the effectiveness and quality of acquaintances could be increased significantly. But all this is too complicated and does not pay off well in the long run.

But the fact that the developers and administrators of dating sites are not at all on the side of their users is only the starting point of all other problems. If they are there and hire psychologists as consultants for their projects, it is only in order to work out the best strategy for keeping users on the site. Because psychologically, instead of taking advantage of the virtual environment and helping users overcome their dating difficulties, they fully recreate and maintain the very social scenarios in which they experience those difficulties.

It is clear that the mere fact that a person came to a dating site cannot change his psychology. No matter how you turn it, he will stubbornly try to follow the beaten path, which means that he will – consciously or not – repeat his most typical and gross mistakes. And here is the choice of the creator of the site. You can build its structure and internal policy in such a way that each user is given the opportunity to ruin his “love career” in his favorite way. Everyone, they say, is the blacksmith himself tryndets his happiness. But it would be possible to initially put users in such conditions when the old games would be impossible or, at least, would not be encouraged.

All photos on dating sites are moderated. That is, specially trained people sit and look at each picture for compliance with some conditions. Ok, they filter out low-quality, foreign and too explicit photos. But they easily miss photographs in which people go out of their way to look fundamentally better than in real life. Moreover, in the end, there may not be a single photo in the profile, which would really show how a person looks in life.

Why the policy is this way is understandable. If we are chasing mass character, then moderation should be the most gentle. But if we were chasing the quality of acquaintances, and not the number of users, then we should think about why a person wants to post a fake photo, and what this will lead to in the future.

Here, after all, everything is simple, and you don’t even need to seriously study psychology. The person is betting that someone will fall for this picture…someone who wouldn’t make contact if the photo was honest. And so it turns out that this person is initially trying to make an acquaintance based on deceit. Great? What will happen when the truth comes out?

And on any kind of such deception and self-deception, the eyes are constantly closed. What are the already mentioned standard questionnaires worth, which obviously put all users in some kind of standardized stall. As if after reading the answers to a thousand personal questions, it is easier to decide whether to contact this person or not.

Of course, there are chances to find a normal person on a mass dating site and there are pros and cons of dating sites.  At a minimum, this will require time, patience and a lot of luck. But if suddenly your taste is more demanding, and the person you are looking for does not fit into the average majority, then you have nothing to catch in this muddy water – he simply is not there!

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