Finding out that your partner has betrayed you is probably one of the most painful and challenging scenarios a couple has to endure, especially in a marriage. However, although you are beyond upset by the situation, you may still be willing to give them another shot. Thus, the concern of whether you are unable to trust them again comes in.
Studies show that both genders engage in infidelity. Moreover, having an affair is regarded as one of the most common grounds for divorce. However, statistics also proved that 30% managed to remain together after a partner has committed adultery. Factors such as children involved, religious views, assets, willingness to work on the relationship, and even their love for each other, play a significant role in these statistics.
When trust is shattered, how do you rebuild it?
Keep calm and be honest with your feelings
When you experience unfaithfulness from your partner, one initial reaction is to bottle up your feelings, believing that it is somehow equivalent to taking up the higher road. Sometimes, it is also a defense mechanism for others as they try to process their partner’s actions.
Moreover, yelling in an argument may only lead to violence and can even impair rational thought. Thus, it is crucial to calm your mind as you allow your emotions to flow and know how their actions have made you feel. Don’t be scared to open up to your spouse about your feelings towards the affair.
Allowing yourself to be completely bare emotionally to your partner will assist you in breaking down the barriers in your marriage.
Acknowledge what has taken place
Totally ignoring the subject is far worse than suppressing your feelings. Doing this will not get through the root of the problem, nor will it help mend the damage. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you are to blame for the betrayal of your lover. Nonetheless, if handled and addressed well, some problems would strengthen your bond a thousand lives over.
Additionally, addressing the root cause might assist you in determining whether your spouse is worth your forgiveness. For instance, if they claim that they cheated on you because of something you did or didn’t do and attempt to pass the blame on you ultimately, know that this is not a valid point nor reason for anyone to commit adultery. Thus, you might want to consider if your marriage is still worth fighting for.
Focus on the now and look forward to the future
If you have been fooled, you may easily slip into a downward spiral of living in pain and spending your days obsessing on the situation; even feeling sorry for yourself. However, this is not the best way to rebuild your respect for them after their lies. To re-establish trust, you must make a conscious effort to stay present and anticipate the future.
Instead of dwelling on questioning yourselves on what you or your spouse might have taken or done to prevent infidelity, think about what both of you can do now to heal broken bridges.
Consult with an expert
Often, all it needs is an objective third person to assist you in addressing and resolving the elephant in the room. Thus, attending a couple’s therapy session is an efficient way to help with your failing relationship. While communicating with loved ones is also beneficial, there are tendencies when they can get blinded with their emotions leading to them becoming a detrimental influence.
Of course, there’s nothing with their initial reaction, as this only means that your loved ones care about you and your well-being and do not want you to get hurt even more. However, their personal prejudices might impair their assessment and judgment of the circumstance. Additionally, it can be beneficial to have your emotions, thoughts, and concerns heard by someone other than the people involved in the issue.
Counseling is also an option for most couples with strong, healthy, and good relationships. There is no need to be ashamed or afraid of consulting with a professional.
Most of the time, individuals who have gone through infidelity issues did so because of communication problems. Of course, this doesn’t mean poor communication is a justification for cheating, but an effective one may better assist your relationship.
There is a lot of disagreement about why deception takes place. However, whether you decide to sink or sail the ship, you have to know when to move forward in life with or without them holding your hands. Regardless of your decision or other’s opinions, it is crucial to remember that you, of all people, understand the issue and know what’s best for everyone involved better than anybody else. Your self always comes first.