We all know the saying, ‘Love yourself, or no one else can love you.’ This may be overused and cliché, but it’s very true. However, on the other side of the table, it can be hard to show love to someone else when dealing with crippling self-worth.
But, it’s not impossible to give love to someone who isn’t sure how to love themselves yet.
However, while we can help our loved ones, dealing with a lack of self-love and esteem are internal changes only your partner can make, so you must know the limits.
So, how can we love someone who doesn’t love themselves? Let’s look at the tips below.
Always Remain Positive and Affirming.
Someone with low self-worth will always look at the negatives or list all their wrongs, such as how socially awkward they are at parties, how they will not succeed in life, and many more. But as their partner, you have the capacity to point out all their lovable, good, and positive things about them. Let your partner know what made you fall in love with them.
What you’re doing here is that you’re modeling their perception of themselves through you. Have constructive, confidence-boosting talks while in normal conversation, so in time, it doesn’t feel awkward or forced. Plus, you’d stay constant with it, and your partner will receive it better as you go.
You can tell them, “I really like the way you cook (insert your favorite dish); it’s one of the things I love about you.” But don’t only compliment behaviors; include personal characteristics too, such as honesty, kindness, and integrity.
Remember, You Cannot Fix Your Partner’s Problems.
The way you feel about yourself is, well, a you-job. While negative feelings are deep-rooted and hard to shake off, it’s still on your partner to do most of the work. But luckily, they will have your help!
You need to remember that you cannot be the fixer of someone else’s issues, but you can gently and lovingly recognize them.
You should share your feelings and challenges that you may have that are separate from theirs, as well as the impact their behaviors and feelings have on you. While this may seem selfish, it’s not! It allows your partner to put themselves aside and be there for you.
You can slowly fit this into the conversation. This will maybe sound like: “I want to help/get you to help you change the way you see yourself because your lack of friendships and dependence only on me for interaction is draining” or “It’s hard to love you when you don’t see anything positive in yourself.”
Remember, tone of voice is important, so make sure to be gentle and loving buz business.
Share How You Learned to Love Yourself.
It is no surprise that everyone has once felt like they are not capable of loving themselves. Share with your partner a time that you felt down and out. People who experience self-loathing feel alone with their feelings, so by you sharing your downtime, they feel reassured. This makes them consider the steps you took to cultivate self-love and apply it to themselves.
Be Your Partner’s Hypeman.
Usually, people with low self-esteem have a constant inner voice that fills them with bad thoughts, even when they have reached goals or accomplishments. So, whenever something positive happens, they won’t understand the need to relish it; rather, they will find a way to disprove it so it’s aligned with their poor self-view. This is comforting because it’s all they know.
This is where you jump in. You must always be your partner’s biggest hypeman and call out all their achievements, no matter how small. This helps them recognize the positive things they are capable of.
Lastly, Consider Therapy.
Building self-confidence and love to feel lovable ultimately depends on you, but going to therapy can greatly help. Breakthroughs are more likely between the therapist and your partner than between you and your partner. You can help your partner by encouraging them to see a therapist to help build themselves.
Many therapists have said this is healthy for your relationship because you can withdraw from being a rescuer while also encouraging growth and empowerment for your partner. You can also join your partner in therapy, so you can also increase your self-worth.
Therapy will definitely help both people in the relationship, as it can change the relationship dynamic into something comforting so both parties are free to express themselves.
