With Trauma Awareness Month and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Awareness Month happening in May and June, it’s a good time for people to consider the role that trauma can play in their lives. One of the first steps people can take to keep trauma from defining them is to understand trauma and PTSD, says bestselling author and noted therapist Dr. Venus Nicolino.
PTSD is a disorder caused by trauma. Where and how that trauma occurs varies widely. Not all trauma is related to experiencing war, a natural disaster or being the victim of rape and other types of physical assault. Other forms of trauma include emotional and psychological abuse, bullying and harassment, loss of a loved one, neglect, financial hardship, divorce, and identity-related trauma (for example, experiencing racism, sexism, homophobia or transphobia).
People often experience acute stress reactions immediately after the event. They may also develop adjustment disorders, characterized by emotional or behavioral symptoms in response to a stressful event or change. These can materialize in many different ways. Take, for example, people-pleasing. It’s a huge red flag, Dr. Venus Nicolino said in a video on her popular TikTok channel.
“People-pleasing is not the same as being kind or generous,” she said. She explained that when people try to please others, they really are trying to feel safe. But why would they do that?
“Because people-pleasing is a trauma response to fear,” said Dr. Venus Nicolino. “You are homing in on the unsafe person in the room. You’re scanning your environment for threats. And when you find that unsafe person, that threat, you begin to placate them, manipulating them, people-pleasing them to keep yourself safe, which only puts you in more peril. It’s a defense tactic, but a terrible one.”
She said the result of people-pleasing is the exact opposite of what the person needs, because it encourages the unsafe person to hang around. She added that “you could easily rid yourself of the fear and the danger simply by not overlooking red flags.”
Understanding a red flag that indicates a trauma response to fear requires understanding where that fear comes from in the first place. In some cases, it’s because of trauma.
The Difference Between Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
The American Psychology Association defines trauma as “any disturbing experience that results in significant fear, helplessness, dissociation, confusion, or other disruptive feelings.” Suffering a traumatic event undermines a person’s feeling that the world is a safe, just and predictable place.
Trauma is a pervasive experience, with a significant portion of the population encountering at least one traumatic event in their lifetime. About 50% of adults in the United States will experience a traumatic event at some point.
PTSD is one of the most severe outcomes of trauma, affecting about 6.8% of adults at some point in their lives, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. PTSD can lead to symptoms such as intrusive memories, severe anxiety, and hypervigilance. Women are more likely to develop PTSD than men because they experience higher rates of sexual violence, a leading cause of the disorder.
How Past Events, Including Trauma, Impact How We View Ourselves
Based in Los Angeles, Dr. Venus Nicolino is the bestselling author of Bad Advice: How to Survive and Thrive in an Age of Bulls–t. She also offers insights on her TikTok channel and in her podcast, “The Tea With Dr. V.” She’s known for her irreverent style and her ability to make complex psychological topics understandable. She’s earned a master’s in counseling psychology and a master’s and Ph.D. in clinical psychology.
She’s also transparent about the struggles in her own life. She grew up as one of five kids in a tough neighborhood in west Philadelphia. Financial insecurity is a form of trauma, and while Dr. Venus Nicolino didn’t call it traumatic, she said it certainly impacted her life.
“My father was an auto mechanic; my mother was the original teen mom. She had two children by the time she was 17 and by the time she was 30 we were a family of seven” she said on the “Brandi Glanville Unfiltered” podcast. “We were a very large family with very little money. In high school, I started making my own clothes. I think I was terrified of being seen as poor.”
Even today, she said, “I’m insecure about being seen as less than I am. I’m insecure about being seen as dumb. So, what did I do? I worked super hard, I collected all these degrees,” Dr. Venus Nicolino said.
She added, jokingly, “So, self-doubt and self-hate goes a long way!” But her point was made. What happens in the past impacts your life today, including how you see yourself. This can be especially true of traumatic events.
And the world is filled with experiences that can trigger old fears and insecurities. In that same podcast, she warned that social media is a minefield, especially for women. “If you’re a woman on social media, it is an incredibly dangerous place that can ignite all of your fears and insecurities,” she said. “And it can at times even color how you feel about yourself. People are very mean.”
She added, “It’s a place where people can be the sexist, racist a–holes they just don’t have the guts to be in their real life.”
‘Take It Out, But Not on Others,’ Tips Dr. Venus Nicolino
For those with PTSD, symptoms include intense, disturbing thoughts and feelings related to their experience. These feelings continue long after the traumatic event ends. Those with PTSD relive the event through flashbacks or nightmares. Their emotions can include sadness, fear or anger. They may also feel detached or estranged from others.
However, many people who experience trauma have symptoms that, while they do not meet the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, still limit their ability to function normally, according to behavioral health services information published by the National Institutes of Health. These symptoms can include difficulty regulating emotional states, maintaining social and family relationships, and functioning competently at a job.
Dr. Venus Nicolino said in another TikTok video that it’s important for people to recognize they are having a trauma response rather than taking their feelings out in inappropriate ways.
“Take it out, but not on yourself and not on others,” she said. “Stress, pain and old traumas can cause us to take out our internal issues on others. Or, just as bad, on ourselves. That stuff inside of us, it’s going to come out, no way around that. But there are positive ways to take it out.”
She said people should start by acknowledging they have issues deep inside that bother them, and then spend time figuring out where those issues came from. “If you’re strong enough to be living with it, you’re definitely strong enough to be examining it, right?” she said.
She said writing a journal, exercise or playing music can help manage these feelings. She said those who have experienced trauma and the symptoms of trauma should seek support from others.
“It’s not our traumas that define us,” she posted on X, “but how we heal from them.”
