The decision to add to or begin a family is a major one. It’s important to have an honest conversation about your partner when you’re ready to add to or begin your family. For four tips on how to talk to your partner about having a baby, adopting, or expanding your family in other ways, read on.
1. Have an honest conversation about goals and finances.
Few things are as stressful as ongoing financial problems. If you’re hoping to add to your family, you’ll want to start by talking to your partner about your financial situation. Whether you’ve had no problem at all paying for your primary residence or you struggle with making monthly payments to your landlord, taking an honest look at your bigger financial picture is important.
Maybe you and your partner use rental income as money for retirement or savings. When considering starting a family, you’ll want to talk about making changes because your lifestyle will change. Consider things like the current properties you own and do some research. Phrases like ‘converting home into an investment in Australia’ and ‘how to sell a current home in the United States’ might be a great place to start.
You’ll want to be able to explore options when you open up a conversation with your partner about becoming a new mom or dad. If you live in Australia, try looking up loan and other finance laws ahead of time to give yourself a better idea of the bigger picture. The more research you do will be a great first step into what should be a logical and not emotion-driven conversation.
When having this conversation, be prepared to talk about and compromise on long and short-term goals. Consider you and your partner’s careers, hobbies, interests, and ways your lifestyle might change should you add a baby. If having children is something you’ve both always wanted, explore ideas like whether you’ll want a new home and if the timing is right to add a new member to your family.
2. Go into the conversation prepared.
In going into the conversation about family planning with an open mind and knowledge about your finances, you’ll also want to think about expenses ahead. A great place to learn about costs you can anticipate (like postpartum underwear, the best in baby products, and homeowner baby safe gear) is at Truly Mama. There, you’ll be able to get tips and tricks for parenting that might help you come up with a list of future expenses that will crop up during your pregnancy or the adoption period. Knowing these costs ahead of time will help in any conversation with a partner, spouse, or trusted family member who will play an important role in your decision.
Maybe you and your partner are a married couple who have always wanted kids, but one of you isn’t sure if the timing is right or if your finances are in good order. The same way you’ve compromised in other areas of your marriage, you’ll want to be prepared to do the same now. When starting this important conversation, remember that any child will be better off with parents who are aligned in their overall family plan.
3. Be clear about wants versus needs.
A great way to begin this conversation is to do it at a time when you and your partner are free of distraction. The same way you’ll want to carve out quiet time for your new baby, you’ll want a distraction-free chunk of time to discuss your family planning. During this time, plan to go over pros and cons of starting a family now or waiting a number of years. When having this important conversation, keep in mind that need is different from want and drawing that distinction could help you and your partner come to a compromise faster.
4. Discuss all the possibilities.
There are many ways to add to a family. Some brave parents intentionally start a family without a spouse or partner at all. For these people, family planning conversations often happen with other family members. Regardless of your situation, you’ll want to be open-minded about the many ways you could build your family. Foster care, adoption, pregnancy, surrogacy, and even offering respite to foster programs are all great ways to begin a family and exploring all options through conversation could be fun.
Regardless of how you plan to build your family, and even if you plan to do it alone, being honest with yourself and the people you love is a good idea. In building a support system ahead of time, you’ll be in a better emotional and financial position when challenges or struggles arise and have more people to help you celebrate the birth or arrival of your new addition.
