3 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE ACCEPTING A SECOND DATE
When we agree to go out for the first time, which illusion manifests itself, because of course it could happen to us! Somehow we have to meet the next one, and he could very well be that guy we’re dating.
I’m not saying we have to feel butterflies in our stomach, but each date represents the possibility of meeting someone amazing to share our time. And there we are, choosing the perfect lipstick shade to look fabulous.
But the really interesting thing comes later, when you have to consider if you want to repeat the experience or if you better let it go. Before sending someone flying forever, or accepting a second outing from that boy that you found more or less interesting, you need to ask yourself three questions that apply only and exclusively if you are in the gray area.
What is the gray area? It’s the glass half full, half empty, the “I didn’t love it but I could give it another chance”, the “I think if we go to a more fun place it might be better.” That is, when you don’t care if you see it again but don’t want to close yourself to a good opportunity. If you are in that situation, you need to ask yourself these three questions before agreeing to the second date, laid out by Thai Dating:
- Why do I want to have a partner?
Before questioning if he has the qualities you are looking for, ask yourself why you are agreeing to date that person. Why are you looking for a relationship?
If the answer has to do with your loneliness, with filling a void, with a need for attention and / or affection, then let me tell you that a partner is not the solution. Before going out looking for anything, you need to do an inward analysis to see what areas you need to work on in order to feel full, happy and satisfied with yourself, without needing the approval or company of someone else.
When you have managed to fill yourself up, someone with whom is worth sharing your time and space will appear, but if you jump into the ring from a situation of emotional need, then you are opening the door to a relationship of codependency that, as we all know , it never ends well.
- What did I like about this person?
It is important to separate the person from our expectations. Let’s start with physical attractiveness. Overall, did you find it attractive? What physical attributes did you like? It is worth making a list so that it is easier to understand if what you liked is something real, or is the potential that you are seeing. That is, if you liked his height, but you didn’t like the way he was dressed, you are accepting a second date based on the potential you see in him. And there is nothing wrong with this, as long as you are not looking to change the essence of the other person.
I assure you that while you are writing you are realizing if it really beat you, or if you are forcing your idea of it. And that is super important when deciding if it is worth going on that second date, because if what was lacking in the matter was time to get to know each other, then you can give it a second chance, but if you did not feel that chemistry, this one is not. It will magically appear on subsequent dates, and you would risk settling in and settling for something that wasn’t for you all along.
- Do I have the time / desire to start a story with this person?
When you meet someone, you like them and you discover that there is chemistry and that everything seems to flow deliciously, you will not even question if you have the time or the desire. However, when you meet someone who seems like a good match and has potential (the gray area), but you didn’t go head over heels on the first date, then you know that pulling this story will take effort on your part. Before accepting that second date and continuing to open your life to him, ask yourself if you really want to invest time and desire. After making the list of question number 2, you should be much clearer if you are clinging to the idea of a relationship or if it really is a person worth knowing.
Giving yourself an opportunity with people different from you is essential to get out of your comfort zone and find people who will make you grow, but settling for the glass half empty out of emotional boredom or fear of loneliness will not give you the relationship you really deserve. Analyze the differences before opening the door to that person who, if he is looking for you again, it is because he has already decided that you are worth it.